I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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