idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
