She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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