i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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