I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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