My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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