i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize