I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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