can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
