Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
