If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
