we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
