there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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