i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
