Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
