i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
