Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
