actually, I'm a sock model
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
MIDGETS
????
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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