i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
