ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
