Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
