he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
