Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
