i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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