i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
