there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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