I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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