Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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