Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
