a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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