he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
