I wish my penis had an off switch
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
