in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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