Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
