Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
