One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
