Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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