So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think your dad took our porno
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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