Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Shame - the story of my life.
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