so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
