Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
