weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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