non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
