i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
