Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
