it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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