I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
