last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
