if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was confusing and full of hummus
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
