Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
