I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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