I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We got so high we made milksteak
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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