I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
