Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
