He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
