He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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