is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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