So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
