his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
