1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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