Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
