How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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