Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
