Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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