did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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