Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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