he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
