ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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