I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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