I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
