Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
