are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
