i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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