Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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