Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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